what a difference a week makes! here we are 7 days from when i said i needed to change some things in my life and actually stick to it, and i am feeling much better! i am still getting a little depressed but that has even stopped for the most part. i feel like i’m actually going to accomplish something this time!

the only thing in my way now though, is that i got the dreaded.. ahem… monthlly visitor, that i hate and that hates me with a firey passion that burns hotter than the sun.. lol ok i am exaggerating of course but really.. ugh.. the thought of exercising today… i know i need to stick with it, but today i am going to skip that, because i am hurty :/

i have no idea what to write about today, but i did want to pop in and mention that i was happy about my new routine working out for me.

“I don’t love my cancer. But I love my body even though its bald and can’t sexily toy with its hair, even though it has no eyebrows to arch, even though it will soon only have one leg and some people will be disgusted by it. I love it because its mine.”

these are the words of casey, aged 19, currently going though a horrible time with bone cancer… she will soon be having part of her leg and pelvis amputated. she has entered the body by victoria contest, which asks you to send in some photos, along with a small description of why you love your body. the prize is a trip to New York, a spa treatment, basically a break from life that she and her sister, who dropped everything to go help take care of her, quite deserve. The voting is on the website, and you can vote once per day. (Per IP address…) she’s currently in second place but apparently she was in first place for a bit! so she really does have a chance of winning.

please help this girl out. blog about her, post her in other forums, spam this link everywhere you can. and vote!

http://www.bodybyvictoria.com/#/Gallery/880

suggested by Spelling Search

"As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? If that dream died at some point, explain why."

when i was a kid the list of things i wanted to be was pretty long. for a while i wanted to be an astronaut. that dream died when i read a book about space flight and found out that the toilets in space are um.. weird. i have a hard enough time going to the bathroom in public restrooms, i don’t think i could do it in space.. especially with the way those toilets are set up! i know that’s silly, but at the time it was pretty much a deal breaker.

after i scratched that off my list, i wanted to be an archeologist. again that never made it far because i realized i am a wuss and archeologists do a lot of digging in hot deserts

when i got older, i wanted to be a rock star. that was a pretty big goal and i held on to it for longer than the other ones.. but then finally i dropped it when my friends who had started a band with me, pretty much gave up. always kick myself for not keeping that going…

after being a rock star failed i decided i wanted to be a forensic scientist, and then even later a forensic psychologist. those dreams were dropped when i realized i would probably end up like harley quinn, in love with some sociopath… (yes i am messed up, why do you ask? lol)

nearing adulthood i decided i wanted to be involved in movies, first as a director, but then later falling madly in love with special effects and makeup. and that’s where i’m teetering now. i’d love to go into that field.

i can’t figure out what to blog about today, so here’s some pictures from my sims 3 house

click this link to see the full blog

and that’s all i’ve got so far. this time around with the legit copy i was sad to see that i did not get the disgruntled mailman that i got in the “borrowed” version i had previously. i know the npcs are randomly generated but i LOVED him.. his face was priceless and he threw my mail on the lawn!

its only been 3 days and i already feel better about myself. on the 3rd i wrote about my goals and how i’m having trouble sticking to them. well here we are 3 days from then and i’m feeling great! i’ve been sticking to my routine, diet, and even exercising a little! i really hope that i can stick with things.

the people on spark people reminded me that its not failure to fall off the horse.. its failure when you refuse to get back on it. and i think that gave me a little boost of confidence i needed to keep trying, and to try a bit harder.

i’m sitting here rocking out to a great online radio station called distortion radio. they are doing a non-stop cover song weekend and the remakes are awesome so far! i’m also sitting here spying on the store in second life, watching people come in and grab our recent free gift. being a store owner in second life is interesting.. but also a bit stressful. this free hunt thing has been wracking my nerves.. but anyway i’ll write more about that in my second life blog.

i haven’t really been all that impressed with films lately. most of them, especially the remakes, have not appealed to me at all. so here are four movies i DO want to see…

this one just about made me pee myself when i found it! sorry for the tmi.. but I LOVE THIS STORY! the portrait of dorian grey was recommended to me as a child by my father and ever since i’ve been slightly obsessed with its main character. i even named my cat dorian grey… this one so far only has a release date for the UK but i do hope it comes to the US!

to be honest this looks like total trash but something makes me want to see it.. it looks hilarious and gross. really appeals to my splatter horror side.

because i am a COMPLETE AND UTTER NERD…

this should not need any explanation.. HELLO CHILDHOOD! i saw this in the theater on the trailers for harry potter and i squealed so loud my mom hit me with her candy box. everyone else was squeeing over the new moon trailer, but not me.. where the wild things are is definitely at the top of my must see list.

what movies are you waiting for?

making and sticking to goals, why is this so hard for me to achieve? i am so obsessively organized you would think they would be easy to do but for some reason, after a few days of sticking to a goal, i will end up getting side tracked and totally lose it. i have two online goal trackers, one for private goals that i don’t really want to share. i keep these goals on a site called joes goals. for more diet, excersize stuff, i keep goals on spark people. but sometimes i can’t even bother to check those sites or do the goals i set for myself. its not good for me and i know this, but for some reason i can’t seem to stick!

today i had one of those bursts of energy.. where i am actually achieving today’s goals, and checking them off one by one. blogging is one of those goals, its just about the only one i’m sticking to, but still not regular enough. that’s why i set up the goal for this month to be blogging at least once every day.

so far i have been able to check off 2 (3 when i post this) of the 5 goals i have on joes goals. spark people.. not so good. i’m really losing the battle against my weight. i want to lose it but i just seem to gain. i am not eating right and i can’t stick to exercise.

i know this blog sounds like a lot of complaining, but mostly i’m writing this out for me. i want to remind myself of what i am doing. that i am not sticking to these goals i am setting. i am also hoping maybe you guys have some tips, or motivational ideas for me? i dunno.. i’m starting to lose hope and i know that is NOT GOOD!

at any rate i’m going to try to finish up my goals for the day and get some work done as well.

so i finally got to playing the sims 3. after a horrible time installing it.

i got rid of the “borrowed” copy and made sure that it was completely eradicated before i installed the legit copy.. don’t need any sorts of piracy speeches, it was my intent to buy it all along just had to wait for my birthday uninstallation went fine and there were no problems. i then installed the new game and promptly went to patch it. for some reason EA did not think to make the updates available from their launcher just the newest update which is dumb.. because fresh out of the box, the sims 3 requires THREE full patches to update it to the version that is considered “stable” now. so i had to run around like a headless chicken trying to acquire the updates from various websites that provide videogame updates. bad idea! when updating the sims 3 always ALWAYS remember to make sure of the region your patch is for. if you are in the US, take the time to make sure your patch is also US. otherwise you will get all kinds of annoying INVALID FILE errors and freak out, as i did.. i uninstalled the game once thinking i had borked something, only to find later that the patch i’d downloaded was not the correct region…  but finally i got the damn thing patched up.

so i install all my custom content, and store stuff.. and everything goes in just fine and dandy, lets play the game!

first order of business when playing a new game is always to go in and fiddle with preferences.. and since i have my nice new graphics card, i decided to bump up some things and test how much i could push it before it crashed. no crashes on full but turning on anti-aliasing made the tops of my sims hair missing! so then i spent about an hour googling around for help on that because i hate jaggy edges and my card does not suck so i should be able to smooth things out without the loss of hair! it turns out i had to manually adjust the anti aliasing settings in my videocard settings and turn off anti-aliased transparent textures. this brought the hair back and made my graphics nice and smooth. *yays*

of course by that time.. i was too tired to play. so i only ended up making sim me and sim Lucas, and plopping us in a house. i then noticed there was a weird skipping issue with the sound.. which i googled later and found was a bug from the new patch.. wonderful :/

i’ve also found that i cannot upload anything to the sims 3 exchange site.. it keeps telling me i have a network error. so all in all right now as it stands, i really prefer the sims 2 still… but we’ll see how it goes.

(yes i did cheat the time on this because i fell asleep while writing it and woke up at midnight which ruins my blog every day goal.)

its a new month and i don’t have much to say, i just wanted to blog because i am going to attempt to blog every day this month if not more.

for filler here’s some cute photos of my cat

yes.. isn’t he adorable.. he hates me and my camera lol

for some reason every couple of weeks he will switch to a new perch to be lazy in, so i’ve been taking pictures every time he finds a new one.