trying to keep up with this meme thing just isn’t working out, and honestly i think i picked the wrong meme to write with because most of the questions are a bit too personal for my taste. so meh.. 30 days of truth, FAILED.

well today got away from me and now its technically tomorrow but meh.. here’s my post anyway. today’s topic is “something i hope i never have to do” well honestly i’ve already done the one thing i never wanted to do which was lose my father. i guess the only other thing i would hope i never have to do is lose the man i love. i honestly don’t know if i could keep going if i didn’t have him there to stand me up when i fall down. i think i’ve found a connection with him that i’ve never been able to find in another person, and he means the world to me.

i’ll keep this short because this topic runs into what i want to write about for day 7 which i will write later on.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.
Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

so this is going to be a double entry because i totally forgot to write yesterday D: sorry!

first up, something i have to forgive someone for? ok that’s hard to write about without talking about private life stuff, i guess i would say, i have to forgive the people who treated me like shit when i was in school. bullies picked on me because i was poor, not a christian, my hair was frizzy, anything they could come up with. i dwelled on it for a long time and felt like everything was wrong with me. it was a very traumatic time in my life i would think. the parents who tried to have me expelled from school for the simple fact that i wore a trench coat (it was my only coat and it was fall or winter i cannot remember) shook me the hardest. the fact that they could judge me as a “violent” risk even though they had never met me, that hurt a lot. but i do forgive them, because they are uninformed and those people that bullied me were brought up by people who were just blinded by their personal beliefs. so i forgive them, or i should say, i forgave them a long time ago… and its a huge weight off of my shoulders. the treatment i received drives me to educate others about bullying and its lasting effects on someone, and how to stop bullying if its being done to you.

day 5’s topic is something i hope to do in my life. its hard to pick just one thing. i want to get married, be a mom, be a normal grown up with a house and know how to drive, have a stable job and all that good stuff. i want to travel… i’ve never been out of my own time zone. i want to see a shuttle launch, not on tv. of course i do have a bucket list on this site, which has a ton of stuff i hope to do in my life, so i could just point to any of those. i hope that someday i can just have a life… heh…

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.
Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

something you have to forgive yourself for…

this is a tough one, there are so many things i feel the need to forgive myself for. i have made a lot of mistakes, bad choices, poor decisions. i’ve hurt people and i’ve hurt myself for stupid reasons.

its taken me a long time to grow up and i still have plenty of that left to do. i guess i just need to stop being so hard on myself when i do something wrong. i am my worst critic, even if i seem careless at the time, i do care about what i do later on.

i honestly don’t know what to write for this topic without being too personal, so i’ll leave it at this. i have to forgive myself for my stupid choices, and remember to learn from my mistakes.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.
Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

so today’s topic is.. something i like about myself. its probably not good that its taking me more effort to come up with the answer to this than yesterday’s topic. talking about something i like about myself feels like tooting my own horn.

i guess i like my creativity. i have always been a world builder in my own head. and even though there is that stuff i mentioned in yesterday’s blog about me never finishing anything, the stuff i have started is pretty cool. i’ve written stories, and created characters, i’ve come up with some very interesting artwork and clothing for second life, i’m in a slump right now but i used to be very creative with my web design also (hopefully someday that will come back)

i still like to go back and read my old stories and i’m trying to re write a few parts so they sound better (defying destiny needs a MAJOR editing job). i love the world i’ve created in my head.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.
Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

as most people know i am blind as a bat without my prescription glasses, and i’ve had these for a looonnnggg time. my glasses usually cost quite a bit because of my prescription and well… nice frames are usually super expensive as well.

yesterday one of the screws that holds the lens in on the left side just decided to pop out and my lens fell out! i was able to get them back together (thank you eyeglass repair kit, you never let me down in my time of need) but now i’m worried because this smells like the beginning of the end for my frames.

i am saving up for a super cute pair of glasses from an online site, if i can get my prescription information from my eye doctor. truth be told i probably should go get my eyes looked at anyway, its been a few years since my last appointment, and i’m supposed to be going once a year… (oops!) but with my financial situation i haven’t been able to keep up with my eye doctor visits.

for now hopefully these frames will last me until i get all of this sorted out. i have had to go without glasses before and it gives me a major headache!

in an attempt to motivate me into writing, i’m stealing this blogging meme from jennfur who stole it from angel and the rest of the internets.

so today’s topic is, something i hate about myself.

i think the thing i hate most about myself is my inability to stick to something. i start projects or get really interested in a certain subject and after a couple days of being completely absorbed in it, i just stop. it doesn’t matter how much i enjoy the subject, or how totally into the project i get, i just stop. its happened with art projects, learning new stuff, making things for second life, blogging, blog layouts, videogames, pretty much everything.

i think it has to do with the fact that i have such a lazy attitude, because i don’t have a lot of structure in my life. i don’t have to worry about waking up at a certain time or putting my days into schedules where i do this now and this at 5pm and what not. everything is chaos for me at the moment.

i hate that i have so much crap just sitting unfinished on my hard drive and in notebooks and more crap in my head that will probably never even see the light of day. i’d like to just finish SOMETHING for once.

here’s the whole list for this blogging meme incase you feel like joining in.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.
Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself