well this has been an interesting couple of weeks.

at the end of october i moved with my brother and sister in law to a new town that was even more out in the boonies than where i lived before. the closest store was 1 hour away! while i am thankful that these family friends took us in when we were in need, it was not the best situation.

on top of that, i had recently started speaking to someone i hadn’t spoken to in a long time. an ex-boyfriend who’d left me pretty much emotionally broken for the rest of my teen years and on into adulthood. i dreaded talking to him at first because i knew i would still feel something, and yes of course i did. but something amazing had come out of the time we had been apart. he grew up, and i guess i did too a little, he hated how things happened when we were teenagers and it kind of made me realize that i’d been spending most of my life trying to find him again.

of course i was still dating lucas, though at this point, looking back on things… dating is a really pathetic term for waiting almost 5 years to meet someone you met on the internet. i left him, which was the scariest thing i’ve done in a long time. as per his usual attitude, i got accused of all kinds of shit, and called a whore. that pretty much killed any sadness i had about the end of our relationship.

so now i have this guy who i’ve dated before, and now i’m dating him again. i don’t give second chances, especially to people who did what he did, so this shit is weird. i feel like we just unpaused a videotape from 1997 and started up again, except we clipped off the bad part. we have similar personalities, senses of humor, and movie tastes.

since i was now living 3 hours away from him, he talked me into living in his home. he’s a trucker so he’s only home 1 or 2 days a week, which, while i miss him terribly right now (he’s on the road while i write this) its kinda comfortable because i’ve spent so much time by myself for the past 4 years. i am thankful for those days i get to see him however, because i did really miss human contact after all this time. there is nothing better in this world than a big hug and a kiss from someone who loves you. but anyway, i’m living with him now, actually just moved in a couple of days ago. i’m cleaning his man cave while he’s gone

i’m sure my actions seem stupid to some, rash perhaps, i have no clue nor do i care. i am 30 years old and i wasted a few years curled up in a little ball in my bedroom. i feel amazing now. the stress shit i was dealing with before is gone. i’m smiling all the time instead of once in a while when someone manages to make me laugh. and holy fuck i’m laughing like the god damn joker because i have someone i can pick on and joke with who actually gets my jokes and knows when i am picking and picks back. its an amazing feeling to be so compatible with someone and i have been lucky to have this compatibility twice now… and this time i’m not letting go.

i know this is just the happy times before we start getting annoyed with each other, but i think this time around we can probably manage to make it though. unlike what i was dealing with while dating lucas, he’s not ridiculously illogical about everything.

i don’t have to worry about what i say, or who i talk to. i’m not going to get a lecture for writing a blog about him, i’m not going to get a stern talking to for hanging out with people i like on second life. no one is going to bitch when i spend a couple hours 2 nights a week playing world of warcraft with my guild.

i am finally free. i am finally myself again…

and the best part of all, he’s real and i can see him and i know he exists besides just a voice on a phone…