System Overload

the overload has moved!

Nimil — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 20:55:46 +0000

thanks to my awesome host jess, i now have my very own domain for system overload! so please change your links and follow me to http://system-overload.org

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must be something in the water

Nimil — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:58:39 +0000

last night i was on facebook chatting with a friend of mine when she asked me if i had heard about my sis-in-law. thinking that she was talking about their attempts at baby making, i was about to say yes, when my facebook page refreshed and i saw a huge announcement from my brother.

it appears that he was very wrong about their ability to make babies, because they are now ALSO having a kid. and its pretty much as far along as mine (maybe even a little more). so now i’m going to be a mother AND an aunt, at the same time O_o

my brother then apologized for the way he acted, and i gave my sis-in-law some of the info i’d dug up in my research.

this is going to be pretty cool!

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thinking inside the cube

Nimil — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 20:00:53 +0000

This post brought to you by Contest Factory. All opinions are 100% mine.

I used to work in a call center and we had awful little cubicles that we were allowed to decorate a little but not too much. It was sooo dull to work with those little grey walls surrounding you. Some workplaces however, let you dress up your cube a bit more, and if your job allows it, you should check out this contest.

The Pimp My Cube Contest is looking for messy, disorganized, cubicles and offices to "pimp" and they need you! If you are sick and tired of the ugly furniture, old tech, and boring walls of your cube or office, all you need to do is send in a video showing your workspace, and describe why its in desperate need of the Contest Factory's help! Once your video is entered, just invite your friends family and coworkers to vote for you. You get points for registering, voting, commenting and inviting others to register as well.

The grand prize, having your cube "pimped", will be selected by judges based on votes, best (worst) video, and most compelling story. The prize has an amazing value of approximately $1200. That includes a new high end computer system, a new desk, chair, and decorations, and an entertainment package with a nice stereo and espresso machine!

Now i'm wondering if they'll count my home office

As of my writing of this post, no one has entered yet, so the chances of winning are good. Your video needs to be funny and witty. Get creative and wow the judges. The better the story and funnier the video – the better chances of winning. Uploading a video to the website is simple from either your phone or your webcam.

At the end of the contest a second prize of a $200 gift card will be awarded at random to one registered user. The contest is ending soon, (it started 12/5/11 and ends at 12:00pm 1/31/12), so get your entry on there!

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does this mean i’m a mommy blogger?

Nimil — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:35:26 +0000

i don’t want to be annoying and fill up my blog with all this baby talk stuff but to be honestly i haven’t really had much excitement or stuff to talk about in a long time, so i hope this sort of junk doesn’t scare my readers away! though i know some of you ARE mommy bloggers, i’m not sure i’m cut out to really be one. i guess we’ll find out when i’m more than just baby housing.

i’m kinda disappointed in the way my brother has reacted to the announcement that i’m pregnant. he responded to my boyfriend’s facebook announcement with the fact that he and his wife can’t have kids. its understandable to be unhappy about that, but… why would you post that on an announcement like that?? isn’t that something you could at least have mentioned in private instead of blurting it out on what was supposed to be a happy announcement?

besides that, everyone else seems to be accepting and happy about all this. i’m really relieved because for some reason i was stuck in the mindset of a 16 year old me, worried about what my parents are going to say. i’m sure they would not be too happy that i’m not married, but ben and i are 30 and adults, and we’re gonna get married at some point (we were planning that BEFORE we had this happen), so at least we’re not teenagers trying to make it though high school or something.

the mountain of info and reference i’ve been going though has left me in a bit of a panicky state.. i shouldn’t be reading so far ahead on things. just think about right NOW instead of OMG WHEN BABY COMES WHAT DO I DO?? cause that’s still MONTHS away… so i’ve put the info down, and chilled out on it a bit.

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parenting in the digital age

Nimil — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 04:16:53 +0000

one thing i love about living in this day and age is the fact that i have so much information at my fingertips. sure its overwhelming but since i’m stuck here with no clue how to deal with pregnancy stuff, i’m honestly loving the fact that i can hop on a website, or ask a question on twitter, and get back SO MUCH information, and things to research, and ideas! sure that comes in handy for other things too but holy crap there is a ton of stuff out there for mommies-to-be.

one thing we are worrying about is how the heck are we going to afford all this kid stuff, and sure we’ll probably get some stuff from friends and family, but some of the big stuff we’re going to try looking on ebay and other websites to find the stuff we want for less than what it costs at the big name stores. the net is full of people trying to get rid of their old baby stuff and as long as you stay away from stuff like the dealfun.com scam you can find all kinds of low price awesome items online.

and of course there’s all the research i’ve been doing. i’ve learned so much about what to expect over the next few months and some of it is really exciting (some of it makes me want to curl up in a ball and hide) and i am honestly really getting antsy to meet hellspawn! i know i need to calm down.. its only 8 weeks old, but still.. i’m starting to get excited

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so now what?

Nimil — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 03:59:58 +0000

now that the shell shocked coma has worn off me and ben, its back to life as normal as possible. he’s back on the road *whine* and i’m sitting here staring at a mountain of information and baby related stuff. i’ve taken my vitamins (horsepills) for the day and i’m sitting here battling with hellspawn’s little trollface act where it makes me crave something, and then makes me nauseous. not funny kid.

i spent today researching some things. found out my due date with some sort of calculator thing and holy crap i’m already at 8 weeks! that means hellspawn is already… growing body parts and stuff! i’m still starting to come to terms with the fact that i am in fact carrying around another little human being inside me and its weird.

i’ve researched what i should eat, and it looks like i’m doing good with stuff.. thankfully i kicked my caffeine addiction years ago, and i don’t drink or smoke, so i don’t have anything major to give up. i am going to hate not being able to have sushi or half done biscuits for a while but i’ll live without!

the doctor plan is as followed. since we just now found out and i’m already 8 weeks along, we will hopefully be able to get this stuff started fast. i have to go to the health department and pee in a cup for them, and then they’ll give me a letter to go to the government office people with. i’m going to be getting on medicaid because ben wants to get a different job that doesn’t keep him away from me constantly, and so, it would be a bad idea to get on his insurance only to lose it when he stops truck driving. so medicaid is the best choice for me right now, and from what i have heard from friends, its just as reliable.

birth wise.. wow i am not ready to even think about that. i’m doing research, its the part that is horrifying me LOL. i don’t think i am bad ass enough for all this natural child birth pop out your baby in a plastic pool full of water type stuff. i have a feeling i am going to be one of those crying ladies begging for drugs, we’ll see how things go.

along with all this, i also have to some how convince my brain that i am not afraid of driving. not to mention i have to convince myself that i am not afraid of needles… these are the two major scary points (besides the actual birth) that are giving me little panic episodes… learning to drive… and the bloodtests and what not i’ll have to endure. fun times!

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scary adult things

Nimil — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 22:05:29 +0000

i am 30 years old, but sometimes i feel like i am still a teenager. i’m not sure if this is because of the asperger’s, or something else. i just know, that sometimes my mind reacts like a kid instead of a 30 year old. i’m also not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

later this morning i am taking a pregnancy test. i am late, by a lot… like a month or so now… i waited a while before i made this decision because i have the symptoms of pcos and have had those symptoms for years now. my periods sometimes skip out on me, only to reappear with a vengeance later on.

i’m writing this now because i will be busy later and i want to put it down before i forget the thoughts. i am also writing this now because its 5:13 am, ben will be home sometime this morning, and is bringing the ept test with him. i can’t sleep. i am terrified. and i need to pee… but i can’t until he gets here with the test so i can pee on it.

this is one of the scariest things i have done.

i’ve sat here and thought about my parents, and worried that i would be a horrible mother to what ever i bring into this world. no matter how many times i have been reassured this would not be the case, it still haunts me.

i’ve sat here and thought about our situation. its not that great. i don’t know if we can make it good enough for a kid to not be miserable. he’s in a lot of debt. but that’s how a lot of people are in the world right now, and they are still having kids.

i’ve sat here and thought about what my response is going to be if its positive, and what my response is going to be if it is negative. i don’t know which one i should be hoping for.

i’ve sat here and thought about what might be inside me, living, microscopic right now, but what it would become, and will it be happy with its parents.

i’ve wrote to it, even though i don’t know if it even exists yet. i told it things to get it out of my head.

i have that gut instinct that girls have… and it says that this is going to be positive.

i am scared shitless.

—–

and now the results are in, and i am pregnant. this is really weird for me to say. but we’re happy. we wanted this, but its out of order. still, we’re not unhappy.

i dunno.. i have no idea what to say right now. so yeah…

i’m going to be a mom.

© Nimil for System Overload, 2012. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: family, love, pregnancy, worry

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what the heck is there to do online anymore?

Nimil — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 21:34:25 +0000

i feel so completely bored with the internet. every day i wake up and check my email, then grab some breakfast and read what people have posted on facebook while i was asleep, and poke at all the other social media sites i usually look at.. but then i just sit there bored as a rock until ben wakes up and calls me from the road. and then i proceed to ignore the internet for most of the day and do house wifey things and talk to him on the phone while he drives. nothing online seems to hold my interest anymore in a way i guess its a good thing, as there have been times when the internet took over my life a bit, but i hate that i feel so disconnected from it as well.

not to mention i honestly hate abandoning this blog because i used to love blogging SO MUCH and now its just… meh. i wish i could find my enjoyment of the internet again but not on an obsessive addiction level.

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we’ve survived 2 months

Nimil — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 05:37:04 +0000

our 2 month anniversary was monday and i forgot to write about it because i was too busy with him being home to really pay attention to anything on the computer. it was a good anniversary for us, and the first one we’ve gotten to celebrate in person since we were teenagers, so that was nice. i wrote him a love letter as a present since i was feeling nostalgic and he made me cheeseburgers. he still owes me a return letter but i’m not holding my breath. its hard to write while out on the road.

ben mentioned to me that i am truly special and i thought he was just being mushy, but he said that most of the girls he’s dated, he’s gotten sick of them by month 2, and he’s not sick of me at all. that, in our world, is the greatest complement he could give. i think that our unique relationship is the reason for that though. the fact that we weren’t new to each other, and we honestly never should have fallen apart.

i don’t want to make my blog full of mush all the time, ugh. its so hard when that’s all you think about. i feel like a teenager. i keep saying that and its true. people kept telling me to grow up, but you know what? i really just needed to revert. i needed to remember what makes me laugh, and what i like to do. fuck growing up, i’m going to be 17 forever.

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its the end of the world… er.. year

Nimil — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 20:33:31 +0000

so today is the last day of 2011 and i have spent a while reflecting on some of the major points of the past year and how much life has changed since january. its been a rollercoaster for me, just like the last few years, but i think possibly this year the coaster finally came to a stop and let me off.

so here is a recap of what this year has brought me, shown me, and taught me:

in may my mother suddenly passed away. it was a shock but in a way it also kicked me in the ass, that hey i am not getting any younger, and i need to start paying attention to the world around me, not just what is displayed in front of me on a monitor.

in june another death, my cat had seizures and died. he might have been saved if my brother hadn’t been cruel and refused to let my sister in law take me to the animal hospital. i lost the last thing i was clinging to in that house.

in august, i turned 30. when i was a teenager i never really expected to live this long. hell i don’t think i expected to make it to being 20, let alone 30.

the end of october came about the decision that we could no longer live in our family home. there were no jobs available where we lived that we could find, and so we moved up to the mountains with a family friend and her family. it wasn’t the best idea, and it didn’t really last that long.

the drive up to this new home brought about the biggest change in my life to date. i found my heart again. after 4 years of waiting on someone who was never going to show up, i decided to give ben another chance and see where it would take us. november 2nd we officially became a couple again after 12 years apart.

so much has changed, lots of bad stuff happened, but in the end i think some things changed for the better. i have high hopes that 2012 is going to be a good year. and hopefully all the years after that will be awesome.

as for tonight, its going to be a quiet celebration. ben’s stuck in a truck and i won’t see him again until tomorrow night, so we’ll probably spend new years eve on a phone while i wander around second life aimlessly with my friends.

what are you doing for new years eve?

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